Food with Faces and Other Obscenities

“Remember when we were kids and we’d see something like this and have that urge to run and slide?” Launie asked referring to the sheet of ice our back porch had become.
“It’s funny how being an adult changes that. Now you think about all the things that can go wrong-“
“Like compound fractures!” I cut in.
“What?” Launie’s face was almost expressionless save for a small hint of WTF?
“Haven’t you ever seen one of those? Oh my god.” I defended.
“Those are the one’s where the bone breaks through!” (Fake gagging for emphasis)
Blank expression.
“Never mind.”
“You know,” he finally speaks after an eternity of WTF face, “That’s an awful big list of fears you keep adding to.”
“It is NOT….There’s not that many…is there?”
This got me thinking. Now I’m doing a mental tally.

Let’s see. Things that Creep me out…
#1  See yesterday’s post about Costco guy   
#2  People who talk about themselves in third person
Did you know there’s actually a word for this? IlleismAnd oddly enough when I looked up this word it pulled up a whole bunch about someone I loathe. I suppose that’s one case for why I dislike it so much, but since I just learned that I can’t claim that it’s the reason. No, it just…weirds me out. I don’t know why this bothers me as much as it does. Makes me want to slap the stupid right out of them, if that were really a thing…actually, if that were really a thing I’d probably have a lot of assault charges.

#3  People randomly bursting out into song
I can’t watch musicals for this very reason. I’ve been around people before who just start to sing…for no real reason. They’ll like stare right at you and the whole time I’m not sure exactly what I should be doing with my face. Do I stare back? Is that rude? If I lock eyes with them it starts to feel like a creepy serenade. Do I join in? Do I do back-up vocals? This stresses me. I look away. Why don’t they ever see how visibly uncomfortable I am?? They keep going. I ultimately will try to engage them in conversation to make them stop.
I was telling my mom about this and she said, “Yeah, but how often does that really happen? I mean, how often do people just burst into song?”
Around ME? Often. I had thought that his happened to everyone. Maybe it’s just me? It happens in stores, restaurants,…it’s just a thing. I don’t know why. Maybe people who are prone to burst out in awkward song are drawn to me? Someone really needs to do a study on this. I just want it to stop.

Unless that person is Patrick Stump. Then it’s perfectly ok.

#4  That Tick Tick Tick walk thing they do in Japanese Horror movies. (Stutter Walk)

Omg. This one is the worst. Remember that movie The House on Haunted Hill? Remember the camera scene? The long hallway…the- ok, I’m done.
#5  Food with Faces
Nope, Nope and Nope.
I can’t eat anything that’s looking back at me.
When I was in the military I went TDY to Germany. Some of my unit went to this really cute little German restaurant off base and my C.O ordered the fish…it came with the head attached! I nearly lost it. My food with faces problem goes beyond fish. Goldfish Crackers and chocolate bunnies are also pretty awkward for me.
#6  Feather Bugs
They’re actually called house centipedes and they’re creepy af. When Angelica first found one in the closet of her bedroom in a house we all lived in once, it looked like a piece of a feather stuck to the wall…and then it moved.
Feather bugs are creepy mofo’s that hang out on door ledges and jump at you. They have paralytics in their legs which is good for killing wasps. Traps don’t work. They just rip off their legs and go on their stupid creepy way…back to a hiding spot to scare you from. Awesome.
Needless to say we didn’t live there long. I’m not posting a picture because I don’t want nightmares every time I open this blog post. Go ahead and look it up yourself. Then you can have nightmares too. You’ve been warned.
#7   Compound Fractures
…because omg…ugh…I can’t even-
Ok, so my list may be a little odd, but it’s certainly not a long one! I may have missed a couple things that I won’t realize until I encounter them. What about you? What creeps you out?

4 thoughts on “Food with Faces and Other Obscenities

  1. LOL now I am compiling my own list in my head. #1 is flexible/double jointed people. I am especially freaked out by Cirque du Soleil

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