This Paper is for the Birds

Once upon a time I worked a job and thought I knew what it was to be tired.

I was an idiot.

I had no concept of tired until I went to college…and then decided to take on five classes at once. If it weren’t for Red Bull and Dutch Brothers I doubt that I could have made it this far to begin with.

With a major paper due tomorrow that will account for a large portion of my grade (which I haven’t even started yet), I find myself doing what most students do under this kind of pressure.





And a whole lot of looking around on the Internet at things that don’t at all pertain to homework.


Like right now for example. I should be prepping to write a paper on human rights, but I just learned that ravens held in captivity can learn to talk better than parrots! Omg. I need a raven STAT! The reason this is so awesome to me, is Launie’s not so great relationship with crows, which are basically just smaller ravens. A little back-story here. When Launie and I first got together, he told me that he hated crows. Ok. Weird, but ok. But then he tells me that crows hate him too…

What? Like, ALL crows? How is that a thing? I chalked it up to an exaggerated generalization until one day we’re sitting outside his house early one morning after work. We’re drinking coffee and enjoying the shade from a large tree in the yard when a piece of bark hits him in the head. Then another piece comes down, just missing him. I look up into the tree to see a couple of pissed off looking crows stripping away pieces of bark from the tree with their beaks and throwing them at him. I’m not even kidding. They were throwing bark at him. I would never have believed it had I not seen it happen. Then one of them swoops down and dive bombs him. I look at Launie and he’s sitting there with his trademark stoic look on his face. Unmoving and unemotional in the face of feathered danger.

Birds and bark raining down from the sky and there sits Launie. The world be damned. It is actually one of my favorite Launie memories of all time.

Apparently crows can remember people’s faces for over five years! These little guys have even been known to memorize trash collector’s schedules to optimize when they can get into the trashcans. So smart. So devious. So pretty.

We’re just going to forget that whole thing about them eating garbage, because that’s gross.

Launie and the crows’ hatred for each other has been a thing since well before I knew him. We’ve since moved all the way across the state, where, logically, these crows should have no beef with him, but every now and then, when we’re sitting outside on a sunny day I’ll happen to notice a crow, leering at Launie like somehow they know what he’s done. It’s a little awkward at times because I love ravens. Launie says I’m a traitor for it. I’m ok with this. I get the luxury of walking around outside without having to worry about an assault from the sky.


My thorough research of crows this morning has done surprisingly nothing for making progress on my human rights paper. Big shocker, I know.

Angelica and I used to joke that we had so many Anatomy and Physiology terms crammed into our brains before a test that we would have to brain dump basic things to make room for it all. Like forgetting how to brush our teeth and read large words. That’s kind of where I’m at right now. I have so many things to research and cram into my head before writing this paper and I just took up a ton of space on ravens and crows.

Now if only I could figure out how to incorporate ravens and crows into my paper…like through metaphor or something, I’m sure it’s possible, right?

I’m going to fail this paper so hard.

But hey, I learned that Ravens can talk and memorize garbage collection routes 🙂

About Melynda

Writer, student, reckless blogger, dreamer and an aficionado of all things funny or caffeinated.

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