Epic Arachnid Douchbaggery

I live my life on the cusp of vegetarianism. On any average day, I will gladly gluttonously consume copious amounts of meat. There’s nothing, and I mean nothing in the world like a good steak. Thick cut, medium rare, perfectly seasoned…paired with a glass of wine…


….aaaaannnd I’m drooling.

But here’s the problem. All it takes is one, ONE mention of something gross and I’m off thinking about salads. (I don’t even like salads)

I don’t want to know what’s in bologna.

I don’t want to see Facebook videos about slaughterhouses.

I don’t want to speculate what’s in the burger I previously devoured and am still wearing on my shirt.

I don’t want to have farm animals around, like chickens…yeah, I’m looking at all of you weirdos in Spokane that think that’s ok. Basically, if I meet the animal in life, I cannot eat it. It’s back to that whole Food with Faces thing. I am fully aware that I would likely starve in the wild.


As fragile as this balance is, I’m able to shut out a lot, because I just don’t like vegetables that much…. certainly not enough to eat only that.

I was browsing Twitter yesterday when some of my worst fears were realized. THERE IS A TICK THAT CAN MAKE YOU ALLERGIC TO MEAT. Just like that. One bite, POOF instant vegetarian. It’s called the Lone Star Tick because of some stupid little shape on it’s ugly little back that people think looks like Texas. I can’t even fathom how this transpired…As the first person to ever encounter this douchebag bug observed it’s nasty little body sticking out of their flesh, they thought to themselves, “Hey, that kinda looks like Texas”

Omg. No.

This little asshat can reprogram your immune system to forever have an adverse reaction to meat. I’m not even kidding. They’re spreading through the south and northeast so if you live in this area of the country, you may want to think twice about camping and hiking this summer. If the meat allergy alone wasn’t enough to freak you out, these jerks can also make you really REALLY sick.

This article does a much better job of explaining it.

ALSO, did you know that ticks aren’t insects? They’re ARACHNIDS! Omfg. The more I learn about them the worse this gets. I’m done. Closing Google before I never sleep again.



Logically, I know I’ll be ok, I live in Washington State…but that still wont stop me from losing my crap every time I feel an itch…


Arachnids. You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.


About Melynda

Writer, student, reckless blogger, dreamer and an aficionado of all things funny or caffeinated.

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