My Decennial Check-up

I’m that person who pushes back her annual exam until reaches at least two years from one to the next. The VA has this policy that if you don’t at least schedule an annual exam with your primary doctor annually they’ll assign you to a different doctor. I don’t really understand the point of this. Is there a specific doctor that takes all the screw-ups and people that won’t come in for their appointments?

“Surprisingly, none of my patients showed up today, so…”


I like my doctor. If I didn’t, I’d just say to hell with it and not go. It’d be like a game to go in a see a new doc every single time. I’m totally ok with that. A new doctor each time wouldn’t know all of my bad habits and bring them up. With my regular doc, he knows. He knows all the little stupid things I do that I shouldn’t do and likes to bring them up. I already know exactly how this conversation is going to go.


Dr.: Are you still doing that one thing I told you to stop doing?

Me: Yes

Dr.: What about that other thing…

Me: Yes

Dr: Maybe you should consider-

Me: Nope

Dr.: Blah blah blaaaah blah

Me: Sure. See you in a couple years.


I’m a terrible patient.

I think I’m the opposite of whatever hypochondriacs are. Is there even a word for that? You know how hypochondriacs run to the doctor as soon as they even suspect that something may be wrong? I, on the other hand, don’t want to know. I don’t want bad news. Whatever’s going on, I’ll deal with it. I’m fine.


The icing on the cake here is that they called me on Friday to tell me that in addition to my appointment that I really don’t want, they also want me to come in for labs…of the fasting variety. Wtf? Fasting labs? Do you have any idea how starving I become at the very idea of fasting?? Seriously. Ordinarily I can go 12 foodless hours and I’m fine (as long as there’s coffee), but if it’s because I know I’m fasting it’s a whole different matter. Good thing the lab isn’t near the cafeteria; I’d probably run in and eat someone’s food…

Is food delirium a valid excuse?


My stupid appointment is Monday. Omg, that means the fasting starts tomorrow night. This just now occurred to me. Damn it!!

About Melynda

Writer, student, reckless blogger, dreamer and an aficionado of all things funny or caffeinated.

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