Vampire Milkshakes and Ghost Cats

After all of my fussing and fasting, my worst fears were realized after my little visit with the doctor. Know how when you already know you’ve been screwing up, but when someone says it out loud it becomes immediately all too real? Yeah. The doc said the words I never wanted to hear: Your blood sugar is too high.

Actually, he said that my blood sugar was way too high. Then he topped it off with telling me that my blood pressure wasn’t any better. What it all boils down to is that my blood sugar is as high as it can possibly be without being diabetic.

I’m basically a big, overexcited, raging ball of sugar.

 

 Haha. I know I should be more concerned, but it’s actually kind of funny.

My sugared blood is coursing through my veins at ridiculous speeds, compounded by me bouncing around…I’m like a milkshake for vampires!

…Which is probably not a good thing…

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The bad part is that they want me to come back on the 29th so they can reevaluate everything. In the meanwhile, I’m on a low carb/low sugar diet. And it sucks. If I can get my sugar back down to non-vampire dessert levels I can go back to normal, well, maybe a slightly smarter version of normal.

It’s funny; I never really realized just how much I loved carbs until I embarked on this foolhardy mission to avoid them. They’re freaking everywhere. It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about sugar. I’m craving things I wouldn’t normally want to eat anyway…like salted caramel roasted peanuts. I hate peanuts and salted caramel is iffy. I saw them on a special for Amazon Prime Day and wanted them soooo bad.

Gross.

Today at the store I seriously contemplated ripping the tops off of a hundred little sticks of honey and guzzling them all right there at the check stand. Isn’t this supposed to be getting easier? It’s been a whole week and yesterday I almost attacked an ice cream truck. Ugh. To make things worse, today I drank a sugar free caramel iced coffee and enjoyed the hell out of it. I enjoyed it. It was like heaven in my mouth all cool and fake sweet. Ordinarily I hate the taste of sugar free things. They leave this weird and unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth that I’m not a fan of, but today…oh, today. Today that coffee was divine.

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In other strange news, Launie and I were laying on the bed talking yesterday when we hear a meow in the hallway. No big deal, we have two cats. Not unusual. The problem here is that both of our cats were on the bed with us. Asleep. WTF. Launie and I have both felt unexplained pressure on the bed before, like a cat has jumped up there, but when we look there’s no cat, but a freaking meow?? Why the Hell is there a ghost cat in the house? And what do you even do with a ghost cat? You can’t pet it. You can’t play with it. What the heck am I supposed to do with this?

Sassanach, my beloved kitty companion of 20 years died a couple of years ago in this house, but that meow was not her. How do I know? Because poor Sass had the most ridiculously loud meow anyone’s ever heard. What stared off as a cute conversational meow when she was young turned into what could be described as the sound of two semis blaring their horns while traveling full speed at each other each time she opened her little cat mouth. It was awful. No, whatever kitty ghostie we have hanging out here isn’t Sass. Shame. I miss her.

She was the best. Seriously. 

We even had matching profile pics (Yes, Sassy had a Myspace back in the day. She was cooler than most cats.)

So if my spectral feline isn’t Snazzywhack…who the heck is it?

About Melynda

Writer, student, reckless blogger, dreamer and an aficionado of all things funny or caffeinated.

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