What in the Actual Hell am I Supposed to Do With This?

I was so excited when Michael’s mom reached down into her garden and picked, hands down, the biggest zucchini I have ever seen in real life. Sure I’ve seen pictures on the internet of oversized vegetable, but never in my life have I ever been in the presence of one.

I learned quickly that fresh zucchini, not coming from the grocery store, has tons of little prickly fibers on it. This would have been good to know before I put it around my neck like one of those pillows people use on long flights.

But come on, doesn’t it kind of look like it??


Mom: Why don’t you shred it and put it in the freezer?

Me: Because I’m pretty sure I’d look like one of the Golden Girls by the time I was done.


Seriously, this zucchini weighs more than my cat.

Next I tried scaring the cats with it. I’ve seen those videos of cats jumping at the sight of randomly appearing cucumbers; I figured a massive zucchini would cause quite the scene


It didn’t. They gave zero craps about it.


Then I tried taking selfies with it. If in doubt, Instagram the crud out of it.

But I just looked stupid.

I contemplated turning to social media for advice, but decided against it. I can only imagine how that would turn out. So, I did the only logical thing I could think of with it.


I hid it in Angelica’s house.

About Melynda

Writer, student, reckless blogger, dreamer and an aficionado of all things funny or caffeinated.

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